Crunchy pearl necklace

I learned what a "pearl necklace" was in science class when I was about 14. When we were sitting in the lab a friend of mine said he wanted to give one to our teacher (she was hot). In order to explain what it was he drew me a diagram. Below is an interpretation of the diagram.

A "crunchy pearl necklace" is when you give the chick a pearl necklace then you crumple up shitty Israeli crisps called Tapuchips and rub them into the spooge.

And voila - a lovely 'crunchy pearl necklace"

Fruitbowl with spunk mushroom

'Offline' editing

Cuntchallenge

The challenge is to use the word 'cunt' in a sentence that isn't 'you fucking cunt'.

Mine is:

Everybody Loves Raymond, no they don't, you know why, cause he's a cunt!

In the what?!!!!

Found these instructions on the box of the thermometer.

Google search

I was looking for credit card protection insurance so I did what any person would do and typed "card protection" into google. I found one company and clicked on the 'Similar' option underneath the entry. I was surprised to find the 5th entry on the list – see below. WTF

Fridge Problems (aka best email reply in the world EVER)

So our fridge broke down last week and the estate agent organised a replacement, except they installed the wrong model. Here is the email exchange between G, C and Y (the estate agent):

Hi G,

This was an error. I have re-ordered a fridge with a freezer compartment. This should arrive with 2-5 working days.

With best wishes

Y

------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for sorting it out.

Regards

G

------------------------------------------------------

Dear G,

No problem. Please see the email below from the contractors.

Hi Y,

Could you please advise the tenant NOT to use the larder fridge installed in error as we will need to send it back to the manufacturer’s and they won’t accept it if it’s been used. We will return as soon as possible with the new appliance.

Kind regards,

X.

With best wishes

Y

------------------------------------------------------

Dear Y,

Please accept my apologies but I have already pooped in the larder fridge.

Regards,

C

OMG 2

OMG lady kaka in the butt.

This one time I was on the train and the girl next to me was reading LA Candy by Lauren Conrad.

OMG...

I just watched that episode of Arrested Development when Gob and George Michael have a frozen-banana eating competition.

I almost peed my pants its so funny.

Practice makes perfect

So far I can do the first one.

ahhhhhhh............ pffffffffffffff

How To Video

Oscar Wilde

Someone sent me this quote of the day:

"Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow. - Oscar Wilde".

I thought I'd check my response with an authoritative source before replying to the email so I wrote to them:

"I got this [email] and was wondering what the "refuge" for incompetence and laziness was :)" Their reply: "I would rather be shallow than a dumb fucking cunt." Nuf said!

Asian chicks love the BBC

Research conducted by the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) reveals that it has developed strong viewership of females in many countries across Asia.

Fuck you Canadia

every time the USA takes a medal from you in this stupid competition it makes me happy.

This is what happens when you us old books to build a bookcase

Hana Montana leads

the life of a mullet – business in the front, party at the back.

She HAS got the best of both worlds, and the hair-do to boot.

Friendship Test

Its been decided that from now on anyone who wants to be our friend will have to pass a friendship test. The test consists of one questions:

Name all the terms for the male erection as listed by THR Jonathan Moxon "The Mox".

no name

g: chicks can get pregnant from anal!

Ha ha they said 'dump'

This from the OECD's Transfer Pricing Guidelines
for Multinational Enterprise and Tax Administrations:

"For example, such enterprises may be subject to conflicting governmental

pressures (in the domestic as well as foreign country) relating to customs

valuations, anti-dumping duties, and exchange or price controls. "

What does 'anti-dumping' mean? And what implications does it have for a blumpkin?

… and you said finance wasn't sexy

"When I read that, I was the only guy in the equity world who almost had an orgasm"

Steve Eisman on CDOs

c: what did we do for valentine's day last year?

g: bum sex

True Love

You know you are still in love when your wife humps the sofa when she puts on her new Laguna Beach Series One DVD Set and you can still tell her:  "I love You".

OMG Its Emily from Amigos Part 2

While watching friends and looking at my blog ..... 

g: check out the hot tits on that Emily

c: will you shut up already about her tits.

g: come on. If I found a picture of Ross's cock on the internet you would put it on your blog!

5 minutes later .......

So I looked, and there aren't any pictures of David Swimmer naked on the internet. 

Instead here is a picture of Ross with a cock:

or of Ross as a cock:

OMG Its Emily from Amigos

Donut Bumping*

1. donut bumping

A sexual activity involving rugged vaginal contact between two participating females.

Did you see Jane and Denise last night? They were totally donut bumping all night infront of everyone!

Sexual Shlemiel*

Someone who fumbles in love making: you know, he unrolls the condom the wrong way, she does'nt know how to jerk you off - the usual stuff!

* Shelemiel:  Clumsy bungler, an inept person, butter0fingers; dopey person.

Oops..

I spunked myself.

... again.

Things you don't hear very often

Careful not to get any poop or spooge on the madeleines

Hey Movie-Chick (hbm)

guess who I met on the way to work

Please can I have a blumkin?!

NO!

Pull that rolling pin out of your ass.

Get back to work.

And stop complaining you lazy cunt!

Herbie Goes Bananas

that's, MY favourite movie.

Also starring crusty ho-han and Tommy Girl

You can't

get more mixed race then Mandy Moore

She is back

"If Demi Moor in constant motion is your idea of cinematic bliss, by all means: go see Flawless"

Ashley take a dump.

What do Ashton Kushner and Bruce Willis have in Common?

Eew :(

I just realised this.

Ashton Kushner has actually gone down on Demi Moor.

Think about it!

No, don't.

I think I don't want to have sex any more :(

Is this Cock-Boxing?

Im sorry, I thought I singed up for Kick-Boxing class.

Oops!

Pop Quiz

Im going to Tahoe to take it in the two with T____n.

Who am I?

Clue:

I am not an illegal alien.

hey hey I'll do the MCATS

if I can be in a study group with Sally

What's a male cock-tease!?

I dont know. Maybe a titty-tickler or a  muff-buffler ?!

The thing about the cast of Friends

is that they each suck in their own unique special way.

I know I'm not a nerd because...

my Skype away message DOES NOT say:

 "I'll be back for the call right away, gotta take care of some cells"

I love dropping F-bombs

like the other night at dinner when I said:

"you fucking fucking cunt" to the guy who wouldn't pass me the salt.

f-bombs so good!

Ring me baby

oh and p.s. .....here are the lyrics to my wedding song:




Let me lick you up and down
'Till you say stop
Let me play with your body baby
Make you real hot
Let me do all the things you want me to do
'Cause tonight baby I wanna get freaky with you

Baby don't you understand
I wanna be your nasty man
I wanna make your body scream
And you know just what I mean
(And you know just what I mean)
24 can I go
Don't wanna miss a quatre
I wanna make you up and down
And then a wanna ley you down
Come on so sex

Let me lick you up and down
'Till you say stop
Let me play with your body baby
Make you real hot
Let me do all the things you want me to do
'Cause tonight baby I wanna get freaky with you

I love to tast your body cream
Spread it all around the me
(Baby don't believe)
You know that I can't resiest you girl
I flying all around the world
(All around teh world)
I wanna see you body truth
Come on take to the sea
To cover what you choice

Let me lick you up and down
(Let me lich you up and down yeah)
'Till you say stop
Let me play with your body baby
(I will play with your body
I wanna play woth your body)
Make you real hot
Let me do all the things you want me to do
'Cause tonight baby I wanna get freaky with you

[ let me lick you up and down lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
YoU YoU YoU
AaaH
YoU YoU YoU
Let me freak you
YoU YoU YoU
All off you
YeaH come on
YoU YoU YoU
AaaH
LeT Me FrEaK You
CaUsE tonight baby I wanna get Freaky with you

Let me lick you up and down
'Till you say stop
Let me play with your body baby
Make you real hot
Let me do all the things you want me to do
'Cause tonight baby I wanna get freaky with you

Let me lick you up and down
(yeah yeah don't stop)
'Till you say stop
(Baby don't stop)
Let me play with your body baby
(Baby don't stop)
Make you real hot
(Owh yeah yeah yeah yeah)
Let me do all the things you want me to do
(Baby don't stop)
(Baby don't stop)
'Cause tonight baby I wanna get freaky Freaky

Let me lick you up and down
(Up and down)
'Till you say stop
Let me play with your body baby
Make you real hot
(let me make you so damn hot babe)
Let me do all the things you want me to do
'Cause tonight baby I wanna get freaky with you

my wedding scent is going to be....

SEX PANTHER

60% of the time it works every time.

I never knew it was candy too ?!

I saw this on the way to work.....

AND IT MADE ME THROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!

Nkosi sikelel' iAfrika
Maluphakanyisw' uphondo lwayo,
Yizwa imithandazo yethu,
Nkosi sikelela, thina lusapho lwayo.

Morena boloka setjhaba sa heso,
O fedise dintwa la matshwenyeho,
O se boloke, O se boloke setjhaba sa heso,
Setjhaba sa South Afrika - South Afrika.

Uit die blou van onse hemel,
Uit die diepte van ons see,
Oor ons ewige gebergtes,
Waar die kranse antwoord gee,

Sounds the call to come together,
And united we shall stand,
Let us live and strive for freedom,
In South Africa our land.

why dont you open the fucking breadsticks, cunt!

oh and also South Africa just won the world cup !!!!!!
and if any englishman or woman complains about the disallowed try aske them for these two things:

1. Was that a French forward pass when they played New Zeland?!

and

2. Bring me a photographe of the ball across the line in 1966!

Hairspray [PG]

Remake of 1988 cheesefest: teenagers, TV dance shows, crazy hair, Travolta in drag...
8.45pm
When I first saw John Travolta in drag I started vomiting. I have never stopped. Just a warning.

some spanglish for the day

Me llamo Crabbels. Me gusta to pinch

I also go tick tick tick 

hey

Eminiem take that do-rag off your head. You don't work at The O !

- "Do

you think the carpet-pissers did this?!"

- "Well Dude, we just don't know"

Job Done!

starting up....




... and finishing off

Fuck Facebook

When I grow up I'm going to get a Facebook account and I will start a new group called: Fuckfacebook.
Then I will invite all the fuckheads I ever worked with to join it.

hey Mr Mugatu

do you want to go into business with me? It composing and editing ringtones?

signed

desprate

Oh...mygooooood

this



cost $150

LETS GET IT!

Stimela

Hugh Masakela in concert

abreviations

g: I put the meeting in my Ical
c: what's that?
g:its the Mac calendar, it's called iCal
c: dont start using fucking Mac abreviations like Ical call it by its propper name iCalendar
g: well you use the ipod abreviation, so what's wrong with using iCal
c: ipod is its full name
g:not it isn't. ipod stands for ipodestirian

I hate you Delaware

I hate you so much

Fuckly's

So we are sitting at a Friendly's in Connecticut, having a lunch break during our road trip.
Its 12.30, the place is packed with kids and milfs.
C's bladder is bursting, she hands me her purse and heads off to the bathroom.
I advise here that it's a good idea, as the kids are at that critical point when their sugar high is just past it's peak and the Ritalin hasn't quite kicked in yet.
It is precisely then that they are most prone to stealing stuff!

Shopping

Tapas in Bathesda

R: I want to learn Spanish
G: yes this way you could communicate better with Crabbles.

We made it

here, ok, after an almost 24 hour travelling ordeal which
included:

a "flight" from my parent's home to the airport (i dont think the taxi was
travelling at less than 150kph (kilomethairs per hour) at any point and I was seriously
expecting an airhostess to come in and pop the famous question - "beef
or chicken?"

Spending 4 hours at the Heathrow first class lounge drinking and eating all we
could.

BA loosing my suitcase and giving me $50 for my troubles.

BA delivering the suitcase the next day with a broken lock!

Turtle, next

time you try to "demote" Ari from Gold to Silver I will break your neck and shit down the hole bitch!

Redeye

Regular drip coffee with a shot of espresso. Also known as Speedball and Caffè M.F.

Definition

Sundance (Film Festival):
For you little guys its a big fucking deal.
For the rest of us, its just an opportunity to fuck a Mormon!

A.G.

Stay in milk!

Drink lots of school!

*to the beach party

Id'e love to go* but it's anal sex night at the Gold family tonight.

Lio Oro

Ari Gold

He IS everything that we are not!

Im not

gay, but if I had to suck one cock ......

He used

to be the Dean. Now he fucking runs Hollywood!

I don't know, but like

in my opinion like I think like that
googling yourself is kind of like fucking yourself, really.

hiking in the desert

"You can't

fuck the prom queen untill she finds out her best friend gave you head under the bleachers"

Ari Gold (because he is better than all of us)

"All

my assistants love to fuck. I ask them at the interview."
Someone who is not as awsome as Ari Gold

Boeuf

POSTDICT .... yeah, its a word!

"When EDM researchers feel confident in their model, they test it on an independent sample to see if it predicts as well as it postdicts."

Ryan, GW. & Bernard, HR (2000), Data management and analysis methods, In Denzin & YS Lincoln (Eds.), Handbook of qualitative research, London, Sage.

Im outa here

so it's dinner time at my parent's house. Im at my computer because C and my Dad are talking about
P-CHEM and O-CHEM and all these AWESOME things.

nerds.

wtf

my blog is called Quote of the Day (aka of the never) so I have and excuse not to write. But those whose blogs are called "Unquote of the Day" and "mmm, croissants" (fucking croissants) what the fuck is your excuse for not writing.

These shoes are mine bitch!

"Remember, don't choke out there"

See: Things you say to a bunch of nervous kids about to give their first choir performance to an international choir contest in China, if you are a little twat.
(BBC's The Choir)

Today's Quote for the Day has an appropriately Christmas theme:

"All drunken stories are basically the same: they're all variations on locking yourself out of something you want to be inside of or locking yourself inside something you don't want to be in"
- Irish comedian Dylan Moran.

txt

fuckface fucksoff at 6

Gog wuz here

Shuz

Ofcourse Jon

Voight gives a "powerfull performance" in The Mox. He is the Pope!



ps: Mr Voight is on the left

The Mox is A Fox

For those who missed it on the other blog:



Your forgot to mention that we also watched the totally amazing adventures of "THE MOX"?!

I quote from the cover:

"James Van Der Beek (Dwason's Creek) leads the action in this exciting, funny coming-of-age story about a small-town high schooler confronting the pressures and temptations of gridiron glory.

AT FIRST backup quarterback Jonathan "Mox" Moxon (Van Der Beek) is nowhere close to being a football star. He's perfectly content to stay on the bench and out of the win-at-all-cost strategies of coach Bud Kilmer (Jon Voight in a powerful performance). But when the starring quarterback is injured, Mox is in the game... and in direct conflict with his hotheaded coach and girlfriend. Soon everyone in Mox's football-crazed community will realize there's not just a new star quarterback in town, there's a new kind of hero.

TV in Sweden

This line comes from an article about tv production in Sweden:

"Good ratings often mean that the editing team celebrates the success, for example with a cake."

impeach

Meat & Potatoes

I'm a meat and potatoes kind of guy. People say, hey Hank, we are having meat and potatoes for dinner tonight, why don't you come over.
What's that you say?! You can't?
Why not?

Shoes

Oh

my

god

shoes

Will they wont they? Cast your vote! aka....

....old people flirting




He: Did you make the photocopies for the presentation tomorrow?
She: I want to suck your cock


He: This coffee is really good
She: I want to suck your cock
He: Did I mention how good the coffe is here.
She: I want to suck your cock

Semiotics - signs and signifiers